It is assumed (by me) that if you are reading this blog than you have had, at the very least, one first date in your lifetime. Or you could be like me and have had "a few." Basically, I have become a pro at first dates. Like, I don't stress about what to wear, what to order, what to say, or whether or not to shave my legs. I just tell them where I want to go (cause I'm selfish like that) and just make sure I show up on time - ish. Sure I do my hair and take a fresh shower, but at this point in the game, I am just looking for a good first impression, the rest will work itself out.
Now, typically I will meet them at the chosen location, rather than having them come to my house and give up my safe spot. I'm not looking for any stalkers. Cause let's be honest, I totally stalker prey. Anyway, I choose places that I don't get to have too often. Locally owned and populated without being loud and distracting. (Bonus points if the waitresses are old and exhausted.) I like to show up like RIGHT on time or a couple minutes after. I HATE sitting there waiting on someone you haven't met. I never know what to be doing. Do you check Facebook? Do you take your turn on that word game you're playing and risk that they walk into you with your nose in your phone? Do you look at a menu and risk being ready waaay before them and get hangry as they slowly narrow their options? I don't need the extra stress of being early, I would rather be the one that walks up to that person. Also if I get stood up, the whole restaurant wont have to look at me with pity and judgy eyes. Been there, done that.
Then the moment comes where you do find each other. Aca-awkard. Do you do the "nice to meet you" with the business handshake? Do ya hug? Do ya let him kiss your cheek? (Cause if he tries to kiss my lips I will bite him.) (Side note- once a guy kissed my hand. It was so weird. I mean I get the gesture of chivalry but then he didn't even open the door and instead walk in ahead of me. Also this isn't the 1800's and you are not a knight and I am not a wench.) Anyway, this is where the traditional dance of "I'll move in, oh, no, wait, yes, oops, crap, what are we doing" happens. As soon as that dance is over we quickly file that into the "Let's pretend that didn't happen" file and wait for the short term memory shredders come along and recycle that one.
It's time to be seated. Now I judge him based on his preference of a booth or a table, bar side or dining. If he wants to get to know me and have a chat, he's better off not picking the bar, cause if he starts to look beyond me to watch the tv, we are gonna be done. Am I too picky? I feel like that should be First-Date-Common-Courtesy.
Then we order beverages. As the woman, I (should) go first, and I usually I'll order water and tell them I am not sure what I want. This gives me the time to feel out my date's drink intentions and order accordingly. This is also the time that I totally judge how he treats the server. I have worked that job, and let me tell you something - it is one of the most physically demanding, dirty, underpaid, and under appreciated jobs out there. If anyone I am with ever treats the server poorly, I will call them out on it right there and may possibly throw a drink. Respect your server people, respect. (Even when they suck, you have no clue what's going on in the kitchen or at another table.)
Moving on, this is also a time that I am judging their choice of attire.
See, I picked the place and already know what I want, so while he is scanning the menu, I have the time to scan him. I look at what he is wearing (most recent date wore a Hawkeye shit that was silk printed off center and my OCD was sending all kinds of "Mayday" signals! I had to fight myself to let to go. I almost I just had him take off his shirt, but - moobs.) I also check out his arms, hands, and nails. They need to look like you at least tried to clean up. That being said, I actually kinda like calloused large hands. I like seeing that he uses his hands and his body in a strong manly kind of way. Skinny girly fingers that sit at a desk or video game all day, don't do it for me. I notice his hair (or lack thereof) and see that he washed up or not. These are important. If he doesn't take the time to look nice on the first date, then he never will.
We all know I can talk. And talk. And talk. But I like some conversation. As in, he says things and then I say things, rinse and repeat. We can talk about the weather, his mom, his truck, my job, music, that dumb thing he did, that dumb thing I did, and even politics* and religion. Just don't sit there and stare. And for the love of God, don't let me do all the talking!
*All my dating profiles (wow, I sound desperate.) clearly state my political standpoint. So we can talk politics but if we are on opposing sides of major political candidates, we are just wasting time. There is NO WAY, especially in an election year, we can make it work. I'm just not that nice and he is clearly too ignorant. (This does not hold true for my friends. While I may not like your choice, you aren't trying to get into my pants, so I can handle being flexible about your political choices. Though, I will likely try and sway you at some point. Or we can just not talk about politics.)
I always show up to the first date prepared to cover my half of the bill. You just never know. I have only once been asked to split the bill on a "date" and just need to be prepared for the next feminist that wants me to hold my own. But this is also the most difficult part of a date for me. Solely cause I want to know what he tips. However, I think it's rude to ask him. I consider myself a generous tipper in most situations and I think lots of people look at tips like they are "giving" away money or that it's "extra" money for the server. It's not. It's their paycheck. I have no room in my life for crappy tippers.
Then the walk out. Ugh. I hate my car. Most guys are gentleman enough to want to take you to your car. If the date went well, then I am embarrassed that my car will be the deal breaker. If it went poorly, then I don't want them to know what I drive or jot down my plate (i.e; stalker prey). This is also where they all say, "well, I had a great time," and offer a second date or maybe a call. And this is where I have to be the most honest - do I really want a second date or for this person to call me again? I hate that people struggle to be honest about their feelings when they begin to date and I refuse to be that person. I don't want to lead someone on, cause it wastes time on both sides. And it's a waste of someone's feelings. It's just dumb. So if I had a good time, naturally, I am excited about the proposition. If it was terrible, I am either wanting to give him a second chance (has yet to be proven successful) and will do it again, or I will just tell him that I don't think it's a good idea.
This is also the time that some of guys might try to lay down a first kiss.... That can almost be a whole different blog! My theory, don't ruin a good first date with a poor attempt at a kiss. Be bold and confident in that kiss or don't do it at all. Cause a great date can become an instant deal breaker with a sloppy kiss. Period.
I'm chronically single. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't. Frankly, dating is hard. And at my age, it seems all the good ones are taken or turned. It would be nice to have a date to weddings and events, someone to watch a movie with and to "Netflix and Chill," and someone to kill creatures around the house. Of course, there are days where being single is awesome. Mostly, cause I don't have to shave my legs and I can wear comfy panties and fart in my bed. And of course I could totally do without the awkward first dates. But, truth be told, I will go on several more disaster dates to find that right one.
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