Friday, February 3, 2017

What's that smell?

        If you follow me on Facebook, you know by now that I am seeing a personal trainer and making some pretty significant lifestyle changes.  This has been a long time coming.  I got lucky and picked up a regular nanny gig a few months ago and have been saving that income to pay for a trainer to show me the way!  I hit the jackpot people!  I am honestly feeling great, eating delicious food, and hurting the good hurt all over. 

        I go to the gym 3 days a week.  While this isn't my first attempt at going to a gym, this is the first time that I am fully invested in it.  So the seriousness scale hits the top.  I am trying to do what I can to be successful and to continue making strides forward.  Anyway, with this comes some struggles.  I workout at 0745 and don't know what to really do about breakfast.  I am afraid I will get sick if I eat first.  I mean, Crohn's and I don't always get along and I am afraid to bring my new friend, Fitness, into the mix and ultimately wreak havoc on myself.  So I workout on an empty stomach.  Sometimes, depending on how mean #meanman is, I feel nauseas after and eating anything sounds terrible!  So I am trying to decide between a piece of fruit or a protein drink or something like that to have after.  To help myself beat the nausea, I am bringing it with me so I can eat before I leave the parking lot.  So far, I have yet to eat anything in the parking lot.

        A handful of sessions ago I was pretty sure I was going to die in my car.  I basically rolled myself out of the gym and in a dazed stupor somehow managed to get into the driver's seat.  For an unknown length of time I sat there questioning all my life choices but mostly the reason I got out of bed that day.  As you know, I have very little free time, so as I began to come to, I remembered I had a dr appointment that day and had to work shortly after.  I rushed home and made some eggs (turns out to be exactly what I need after working out - an egg hash.) then took a shower.  Feeling much better I grabbed my backpack, tossed it onto the front seat, and away I went.

        A couple days later I was back at the gym.  #meanman was much nicer but still appropriately made my muscles shake under pressure and my body sweat in places that I didn't know I had sweat glands.  I went home and made my egg hash for breakfast and took a shower.  This continued to be the routine.  Workout (with minor moaning an complaining), breakfast, shower.  Breakfast always first because I need to cool down.  Can't take a hot shower with a hot body.  If you still sweat after the shower then the shower was pointless.  Anyway, let's just say that I have chowed down on my breakfast a few times, while feeling pretty ripe.

        So for the last week or so I have noticed an odor in my car.  It kinda comes and goes.  I began to worry that if I had a passenger in my car that they would pick up on it.  I also worried that my gym juices were being left in the fabric of my seat and leaving the stank in my car.  But, real talk, I'm not THAT sweaty or THAT stanky.  However, to make sure I wasn't sweatier that I perceived, I decided to do the sniff test.  I stuck my nose to the back of my seat and smelt 12 year old car seat, not the stank that was permeating my nose.  Then the real test, I shoved my face into the seat of the seat, but again just smelt seat.  Perplexed, I gave up.  I drove around for another day or so.  I get into my car after work one night and was slapped in the face with this odor.  It was enough to make me gag.  It was kinda familiar in scent but also swamp-death-like. 

        I made it home and it was about midnight.  I took a look around for what the smell was and could see nothing.  I began to wonder if a rodent or something crawled into my air vent for warmth and died.  My car is old and if I roll the windows down they will be stuck.  Since it's winter, it's not a gamble I am willing to take.  So I am forced to leave my car with the windows up sealing the odor within it.  You would think the cold temps would help.  My science brain tells me how horrendous this would be in the summer.  The odor would be cooking in an oven all day.  All I could imagine was a dead rodent rotting away in my air vent as I am blowing the air on full blast on my face! 

        Anyway, I get up for my nanny gig and head out to the car.  The stench gags me.  I decide, "F it.  If I'm late, then so be it.  I can't breath this in anymore!"  I drop my back pack on the seat and in the daylight do a full inspection of my car.  I begin by opening the hood, prepared to find the dead animal wrapped up in it somewhere.  To my surprise, nothing.  I sniff around and it just smells enginey.  I open the back doors and look around for anything but I only find a few water bottles and a coat.  I open my passenger door and look around.  Nothing.  Then I stuck my head down to look under the seat.....

        For the love of all things holy, I think I blacked out!  The odor hit my face, permeated my pores, and settled deep into my lungs.  I stood up and took in some fresh air.  Gathered my bearings and went back to look under the seat.  I opened my eyes and there it was.  An old rotted banana.  Yup the one that I was going to eat the day #meanman tried to kill me.  I must have knocked it off with my backpack and forgotten about it.  I went inside the house and grabbed a rubber glove, a baggie, carpet cleaner, and a rag.  I put the glove on and stuck my arm under the seat.  I held my breath and closed my eyes, I grabbed the now black banana and shoved it into the baggie.  Keeping it at arms length, I kicked up the trash can, sealed the baggie, and tossed it in.  I went back and with my breath held and one eye open I sprayed the cleaner and give it a scrub. 

        It's been a couple days now and it still smells a monkey puked in my car.  I hate that winter makes my car so dirty, but it's a million times worse when the inside smells too.  And I am still undecided if working out is the fault of this.  I mean, I wouldn't have left a banana on my seat and I wouldn't have been in a daze to forget about it....   Alas, I think I will keep going.   Meanwhile, does anyone know how to get banana rot out of floorboards??

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